Monthly Archives: September 2013

Do You Need a Wheelchair, Or Can You Walk?

I’m usually pretty choosy when it comes to hospitals. I like them to be shiny and heavy, with free parking and good roast beef. I like tall doors and uncluttered hallways, high baseboards and crown molding. It’s important that if I were to suddenly find myself on the ceiling, I could still navigate the corridors with little difficulty. I prefer a floor plan that’s closer to “labyrinth” than “well thought out.” In the spirit of coziness.

After being diagnosed with more than one, but fewer than several, sports hernias, my running doctor recommended two surgeons. The first surgeon specializes in this kind of thing, does the sports hernia surgeries for all the famous athletes and only accepts cash. The second surgeon accepts insurance, and… No, no, that’s enough. I’ll take that guy.

In choosing a surgeon, I implicitly chose a hospital as well: Pennsylvania Hospital. Subjectivities like heft and neatness were difficult to ascertain from the internet, but my due diligence did uncover the following:

1. Pennsylvania Hospital was the first hospital in the United States and was founded by Benjamin Franklin
2. Parts of the movie Rocky II, starring Sylvester Stallone, were filmed on the Pennsylvania Hospital campus in 1978
3. It is nicknamed “Pennsy”

Pennsy?? For real? Barf. I began counting my cash, but then saw this: “On September 2, 1751, Mathias Koplin donated the first pot of gold for the new hospital.” Never mind! Ben Franklin, Rocky II, a pot of gold!?! I’m in.*

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