It’s Come to This

I know a lot of you have it worse, but this morning in BaconLand it was 8 degrees with 15 mph winds out of the northwest. It was bad enough that there was a Weather Advisory on the internet last night, something about wind chills and exposed flesh, and it quickly whipped my anxiety into a lather. Admittedly, that isn’t terribly difficult to do, but it did seem pretty serious – there was a lot of red text. Also, I really wanted to run this morning.

On the menu for today was a long hill run (a hard run up a 3-mile hill). I have a pretty good hill right by the house and ordinarily would simply set the alarm for something that starts with a 4 and get it done. But… exposed flesh and wind chills (11 below, or whatever). The solution, of course, would have been to do it on the treadmill at lunch. Treadmills are perfect for long hill runs; they’re great at it. But… I kind of somehow managed to get myself wrangled into a sociable lunch with a coworker today. She even sent me an invite in Outlook. People are the worst.

So it had to be outside. In the past I’ve experimented with wearing clear sunglasses on windy mornings to protect my eyes, but if it’s really cold, like Weather Advisory cold, the lenses fog up immediately and then the fog freezes, leaving the lenses clouded with ice. I guess it’s better than nothing, but I’m not sure how.

I had no choice but to mope around last night, grumbling about frozen fog and exposed skin. I finally decided that I’d bite the bullet and just go out anyway, even though there was a decent chance that my eyeballs would freeze in their sockets. I imagined the cold gradually infecting my brain and guts and freezing my body from the inside out. I’d resigned myself to an agonizing crystalline death halfway up a 3-mile hill when Mrs. Bacon piped up, “You could wear ski goggles. Ski goggles won’t fog up.”

Ski goggles?? Ridiculous.

But then again, it would be dark. And ski goggles solve both the exposed skin and death by frozen eyeballs problems. Oh what the hell, how much craziness could ski goggles possibly add at this point? I’m in.

The alarm went off at 4 something this morning and I tiptoed down the stairs to suit up.


I think we can all agree that Mrs. B hit this one out of the park. I might be biased, but I believe this is the coolest anyone has ever looked. I could wrestle a bear on the moon in this getup.

I couldn’t have been more comfortable as I began running up the street. I could feel the wind against my body but wasn’t cold at all. There wasn’t a square millimeter of exposed skin on my body, and my eyeballs and cheeks were perfectly toasty. I coasted down to the bottom of my hill and then turned around to charge back up.


It was a challenging run. The entire climb was into the wind and it didn’t help that the air I was breathing behind my facemask was recirculated and oxygen-depleted. But I wasn’t cold at all. In fact, I could have probably worn a short sleeved base layer under my jacket; obviously my warm face top was making my arms hot.

I was right around a 7:40 pace the whole way up, which is as fast as I’ve ever run this route. It was the goggles, you guys. Well, the goggles on top of my inherent magnificence.

Epilogue, one hour post-run


Little Bacon absolutely killed the game she was playing on Club Penguin here.  I solved the polar vortex.

2 thoughts on “It’s Come to This

  1. Sarah Carey

    This is awesome. I still think you are completely insane to get up at 4 something to run UPHILL, regardless of the weather. And I have to high five Mrs. Bacon for being awesome, as usual.

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